Blogging Schmogging

It's been 2 months since my last post, I guess that makes me one of those inactive bloggers...

I was catching up on everyones blog tonight (it's been at least a month or so) and realized that it just makes me depressed. Everyone always has inspiring stuff to say or something cool they did or made to brag about. I feel like all I do is work and squeeze in taking care of Carson, small house stuff and family time with my boys. There's no time for projects or cooking or even extra time to seriously work on getting rid of the last few pounds of baby weight (which it seems like everyone else seems to lose in a blink of an eye). When I do have time I'm just too dang exhausted and wore out to do anything extra and usually I don't have time, it's more like I am not doing what I should be because I'm worn out. Anyways, those are my thoughts tonight, you all need to stop being so motivated. I guess I just need more time in the day so I can be a super mom like everyone else! Sigh...

It's mostly been the last few months or so, I intended to blog all about the changes at my work but... well that never happened. I used to work from home but ever since the word MERGE (gasp) was mentioned, my life has been a whirlwind of balancing work and home and going into the office against my will but liking it but wanting to be home more and feeling like a bad mom and wife because that's what gets neglected when work gets crazy. It has been one drama after another and things haven't slown down long enough for me to feel like I'm not running a marathon at work all the time. I work 2-3 days in the office and then at home some as well. I'm the office manager at Davis Security which merged with Metro Protective Agency. Eventually they would like me to be full time at the office, with my own fancy office, doing all the financials, etc. for both companies. Awesome, right?! Yes, I love my job (most the time) and feel important (most the time lol) and talking to people all day and doing what I do and my days at the office go by really quick except I'M A MOM and that changes EVERYTHING. It's so hard to balance the two, I love doing both and am having a hard time not neglecting one or the other and it really is so overwhelming sometimes! I really can't complain about it though and I'm not, its a good job and my schedule isn't too bad, I get paid well and they are being flexible by not making me work in the office every day. I know many moms have it much worse, work full time in the office or being a single mom in general so I don't know why it is so hard for me sometimes to find this balance! Part of the problem is part of me has always wanted to be a career woman, I wasn't going to get married, or at least not for a while but things changed (for the better) and I always knew that getting married and having kids was more important and its what I would eventually do (while working of course, which worked out better in my mind). Now it's hard to keep a career but still be the mom I'd like to be, I don't want to miss out on Carson's daily little things and having others take care of him all day (they do an awesome job though and are helping us tons, thanks guys!) and I don't like that it's easier to leave Carson and go to the office now then it was the first week. I don't like that somedays when I'm at home, I wish I was at the office and I don't like it that I feel like I'm only doing half a job as a mom. Don't get me wrong, I have always wanted to work while having kids and everything but I just can't find the balance I need...

Since everyone always posts their cool projects... here is what I do, so neener neener lol